Thursday, July 2, 2009

How to Surivive a movie date with a girl

This is in response to Niroshinie's blog entry about surviving action movies or more to say X-Men.

Now I am sure many of you guys have gone through this dilemma of choosing a movie to go with your girl. You know.. that first movie you want to take the girl too... where you want to pretend to yawn and put your hands around the girl date's shoulders and cuddle up :-)

Of course, we men like action. Guns, blood, double agents, blood sucking female vampires, naked chicks running around showing off their 42DDD boobs on 40 foot screen.. la la la la... etc etc, yet the sad point of all is that your "girl date" won't end up much appreciating the finer humor of seeing mammoth size boobs dancing rhythmically across a giant screen not even as much even we men appreciate the "family guy's " rhythmic farting.

Girls... suck ! ... literally and physically. ! (let's leave out the physical sucking for now)... I am talking about the literal meaning in the choice of movies they like. They like drama.. real life stories where you can see everywhere in every day life.. they want cuddly panda's and teddies to dance across the screen and to see endless undying love blah blah... (like we men give a rats' ass about it)

If you are dead serious about a girl and thinking of a future with her... stop reading this blog entry now and call her and say how much you love her... and bitch about this article with her and get a sloppy kiss..... (JACKASS) ... BUT.. if you are the type that trying to survive the date.. read on and be my guest to mail me your experience.. for I am writing this by accessing my own vast data base on "How to" with girls.

Q: How to choose a movie to see with your girl : A movie date

A : Pick the most boring movie you can ever imagine ! ... she will simply adore it !! ... (let's face it.. females have a boring choice of movies... again... anything to do with undying love will do the trick like charm.. besides choosing that kind of crap makes you look DEEP ! )

Q : Preparation ?

A : Get plenty of sleep the prior day.. you will need it to stay awake throughout the 2.5 hour torture chamber.

Q : Preparation before the movie?

A : Buy plenty to drink... plenty to eat... choose a back seat on the balcony where you have a commanding view over the rest of the poor sods (trust me .. you will need it)

Q : What to wear ?

A : Anything that doesn't tighten up your balls when you move around on the chair (ok.. only men understand that phrase)

Now just as Niroshinie did on her entry, let me put down things to do while you go through hours and hours of endless torture during the movie.

1. Curse the directors mother.

2. Imagine the lead actress naked !

3. Act a porno with a lead actress and you.... in your bed instead of the girl sitting next to you.

4. Bask in the total hotness (stealing Niroshinie's words) of the supporting actress and take a wild guess at how much she slept around to get that small part in the movie.

5. Look around and see other them.. guess their status of the relationship.. and think what would you do if you have "THAT" girl by you.

6. See if there are any kissing couples... STARE at them.. envy the guy for having a much more (s)exciting girl date than yours.. and curse your girl silently.

7. Take sneak glances at your girl date.... and imagine her naked !

8. Imagine her 40 years later and if she resembles your mother... shudder and look ahead and wish you were dead. !

9. Move around the seat... (this is where easy pants come into action) move your legs and let the blood floor from your brain.. cause too much brain activity during boring films have disastreouse after effects.

10. Curse the film a bit more... curse the cast, curse the director again.. and wish them all dead and burn in hell forever.

11. Eat one popcorn at a time... savor it... live in it's taste... move it around in your mouth.. and curse the fucking idiot who invented pop corn.. cause it's so fucking tasteless and boring.

12. Imagine you are at the sea... on a NUDE beach.. look around.. and imagine everyone in the theater nacked... chuckle at old ladies and their saggy naked boobs !!

13. etc etc

But I guess I should stop here without going into the extent of passing glances and hints out on the next row girl if you are really bored with your movie date ! .... sooooooo .. there you go.

Rough guide for guy's to survive a boring movie date with the girl !

But if you ask me for honest advice.... never take a girl to a movie... such a boring affair ! .... if you are really hell bent on taking her somewhere........ invite and take her to a stage drama and a coffee date at the end....

She will get her boring story.. and you have something to keep your interest on.. so everyone is happy.


  1. I don't think all girls are like that. Comedy works well for both parties. But I agree - movies are not good places for first dates (I think that's what you say) - you hardly get to talk or look at each other! :)

  2. Come on, there must be some movies that guys and girls both like?? Yep I agree with Scrumpulicious about comedy..Horror movies as well. Even so, movie on first date is probably not a good idea..

    PS:"Girls... suck ! ... literally and physically. !"
    And guys dont??

    PPS: Happy belated birthday Nash_node!

  3. @niroshinie !

    Except for gay men, I have no recollection of any situation where men physically sucked at anything !

  4. @nash_node
    ok ok you're the (s)expert! :P

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